Felicis Ventures

The moment felicis.com loads, you're greeted with a brutally minimalist hero section that screams "we hired the cheapest Webflow developer we could find." The telltale `.w-richtext` classes and cookie-cutter div soup structure immediately reveal their $3 billion fund couldn't spring for custom development. Their main navigation consists of exactly four links - Portfolio, Team, News, and Contact - which feels like the digital equivalent of a demo tape with only three songs because the band ran out of ideas. The typography hierarchy is more confused than my relationship with inherited wealth; H1 tags are smaller than some paragraph text, and the letter-spacing on their tagline "Partnering with founders building the future" is so aggressive it looks like it's having an anxiety attack.

Diving into the technical wasteland, their Lighthouse performance score probably hovers around 45/100, dragged down by an embarrassing 847KB of JavaScript for what amounts to a glorified brochure site. The hero image weighs in at a bloated 2.3MB - apparently nobody told them about image optimization, which is ironic given they've probably lectured portfolio companies about technical debt. Their CSS is a masterclass in inefficiency, with 73 unused selectors and enough `!important` declarations to make any frontend developer weep. The mobile experience feels like an afterthought designed by someone who's never actually used a phone, with tap targets smaller than my confidence at networking events and a hamburger menu that occasionally decides not to close.

Perhaps most damning is their complete abandonment of basic SEO principles - their meta descriptions are either missing or generic WordPress defaults, and their OpenGraph images are just their logo stretched to 1200x630 like digital taffy. The irony cuts deep: here's a firm that's invested in countless startups, presumably offering guidance on growth and user acquisition, yet their own canonical web presence has the SEO footprint of a Bandcamp page from 2003. Their portfolio section loads via a janky AJAX call that breaks the back button and probably tanks their search rankings faster than a crypto startup in a bear market. It's the venture capital equivalent of Radiohead releasing OK Computer as a cassette-only release recorded on a Nokia phone.