CRV

CRV's website loads 847KB of JavaScript just to display what amounts to a glorified business card with animated gradients. For a firm that's been writing checks since Nixon was president, you'd expect something more sophisticated than this Webflow fever dream wrapped in venture capital vernacular. The hero section's CSS animation stutters like a pitch deck presented over hotel WiFi, and their "portfolio" grid breaks spectacularly on anything smaller than a MacBook Pro. Most damning: their robots.txt is completely empty, which is either supreme confidence or complete ignorance of basic web standards.

The technical archaeology here tells a depressing story. Built on Webflow (those telltale .w-richtext classes are everywhere), they're serving unoptimized images that would make a first-year bootcamp student weep. Their largest contentful paint clocks in around 3.2 seconds because someone thought a 2MB hero video would "capture their dynamic investment philosophy." The tracking stack reads like a surveillance state wishlist: Google Analytics, HubSpot, Mixpanel, some custom analytics.js that phones home every scroll event. For a firm investing in "privacy-first" startups, they're remarkably chatty with third parties.

Navigation UX feels like it was designed by committee and implemented by an AI that only learned HTML from 2019 Medium articles. The mobile hamburger menu renders off-screen on iOS Safari, their team photos return 404s when you inspect the network tab, and don't get me started on the complete absence of semantic HTML. Every heading is a div with custom CSS classes like .text-large-bold-maybe instead of proper h1-h6 tags. Their contact form submits to a Zapier webhook that probably breaks twice a month.

The real tragedy isn't the technical debt—it's the missed opportunity. Here's a firm with five billion in assets under management, presumably advising portfolio companies on product strategy and user experience, yet their own digital presence feels like a weekend hackathon project that somehow made it to production. Their case studies section literally returns a 500 error for any portfolio company founded after 2020. At least their SSL certificate is valid, though it expires in three weeks and they definitely don't have automated renewal set up.